So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
