So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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