If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence