Just took my morning after pill in the library
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.