I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
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Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
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the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him