OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
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i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.