hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
