so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
