I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
home. puking in laundry basket.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
