i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I look better un-naked...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
God I need to hump something, right now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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