What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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