Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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