Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
