I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
