This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
