You just made me feel so damn special
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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