I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
