The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
