it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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