Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
