I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need moral support for this bender
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
