SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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