if you like me you must not know who I am
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
