Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
