that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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