i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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