There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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