So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
