My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
