you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
