I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
