Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
