we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
