i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
