I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
