Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
