If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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