careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
