Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
