I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
