I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
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After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
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It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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