he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
