were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
