Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
