In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
