I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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