Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
