Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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