the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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