dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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