actually, I'm a sock model
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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