so that wasnt chicken after all
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
