I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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