it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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