I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
