New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
