cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
