another moral hangover. fuck.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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