I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
