Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
