Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
