listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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