Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
there is puke in my bra ... again
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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