You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
