Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
