If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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