i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
