Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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