Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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