Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
