More tranny stories later!
She is in my trunk
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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