I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
