Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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