dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
