what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
