apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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