His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize