Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
