i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
