No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
